Ripples
by EbonyDraygon
Summary: A consignment of ancient artefacts and a curious River reveal the crew of Serenity to something they had never thought they would face: fanfics! Slight AU, random fun.


**Ripples**

All in all, Malcolm Reynolds decided it was a good day. They had pulled off a successful heist, hadn't been followed, Simon had only had to treat a few minor cuts and bruises and they had a fence lined up to take their haul at a very decent price.

Now would not be the time to ask what could possibly go wrong.

Entering the kitchen he saw River sat at the table with part of their precious cargo and a set of tools beside her.

"You know what you're doing there?" he asked cautiously. He wanted to retrieve the item whilst not damaging it or himself in the process. River could be very persuasive if she wanted something.

"It's broken," came the calm reply. She put down another of Kaylee's tools and looked over the device. "Can't look if its' broken."

Before Mal could ask the device lit up with a jaunty tune. He stopped and stared. Their horde was a load of old memorabilia from Earth-that-Was, stuff that collectors went crazy for but not as high risk as their last ancient artefact they tried to fence. Mal tried to remember what they had eventually done with the Lazzeter...

Simon and Kaylee came into the kitchen from the direction of the engine room. Mal wasn't gonna comment on their... dishevelled appearance. They all deserved some good times of late.

"_Mei-mei_, I've told you not to mess with the cargo," said Simon hurriedly, glancing up at Mal apologetically. River seemed to treat her brother's grabs for the machine like a game, smiling as she put it further out of his reach.

"Fixed it, can look now. All look. It'll be fun." She turned the machine so Simon could see the lit up screen yet not grab it from her. He paused, frowned, then looked shocked.

"That's not... how can..." He looked up at Mal. "Captain I don't know how or what she's done but River's-"

"Hey," squealed Kaylee, standing behind the Tams, "that's my name there! An' what does 'BDM' stand for? What's it mean by 'post-series'?"

Mal couldn't contain his curiosity and crowded round the tiny screen as well.

"Someone wanna tell me what I'm looking at?"

"Our legacy and fame, so many interpretations of what was or could be. Different points of view for the same event, possibilities unexplored." River looked up at the bemused captain. "Fanfics."

"About us?"

She nodded. Mal continued to look confused while Simon and Kaylee watched the screen more. "Why would anyone want to write stuff about us? It's not like we're famous. I'd like to keep us under the radar after everything that's happened lately." He looked at River suspiciously. "We don't have a show do we?"

"Ripples in a pond, not just forwards but all ways. Larger the pebble the larger the waves, the greater mass effect."

"You telling me we have a show?"

"And a movie."

"We gotta movie too?" Kaylee was beaming now. "Ain't that just shiny cap'n? An' people love it so much that they write their own stories about us! I think it's so sweet."

"I think it's downright creepy."

"What's creepy?" asked Jayne gruffly as he entered the kitchen, followed by Zoe.

"Some _kwong-juh duh _writing, it's nothing."

"They've written fanfics about us!" enthused Kaylee. "'Bout all of us! I just found one for Inara where she's -"

"Hey, don't spoil the story now!" Inara swept into the kitchen as well. "I can't stand spoilers."

Mal was left to watch helplessly as his crew all tried to crowd round River's tiny monitor. Soon was that River had to fix more of the ancient computers so that they could all have a proper look.

"Hey, just found a real sweet one 'bout you an' River, Simon," said Kaylee as Simon shared a computer with her.

"I don't remember ever doing that," replied the bemused doctor.

"Made it up," called out River, who had now moved to sit on the table, legs crossed and computer on her lap. "Lots of made up stories."

"I think my eyes are going to bleed," said Zoe stoically from her seat.

"You found another one where you get it off with Jayne?" asked Inara.

"No, it was Mal and Jayne getting it together."

Mal and Jayne exchanged a look and moved a couple of feet away from each other.

"How come the cap'n seems to get it off with everyone 'cept Zoe?" asked Kaylee.

"Spoke to soon, just found three," Zoe said. Even though her face remained expressionless, Mal was certain she had an evil glint in her eye.

"There anyone who ain't been paired with more than one person?" asked Jayne. "An' how come Mal gets paired off with all of us?"

"There is no alternative," announced River seriously. "We must follow the commandments written. We must have an orgy."

This suggestion was met with a stunned silence that lasted for ten minutes as the rest of the galley's occupants fully processed what River had suggested.

"Maybe another time, dear," Inara eventually offered diplomatically.

River pouted theatrically as Jayne continued to look through the fics.

"The gorram thing ain't finished! How'm I meant to know what happened in the end?"

"You won't," said Simon. "Look at the date it was last updated."

Jayne frowned and then looked. He let out a long low whistle. "_Tzao gao_..."

"What?" asked Mal.

"What we're looking at, these stories? The site they're stored on hasn't been used in probably over five hundred years," said Simon. "So everyone who wrote these stories are..."

"Dead," finished Kaylee sadly.

"Who's dead?" came a voice from the door leading to the control deck corridor.

"You are dear," said Zoe as she smiled at her husband. Wash looked confused.

"She ain't jokin'," grinned Jayne. "Mal, I'm tellin' you, we can't have a dead guy flyin' the ship."

"Hey now wait a minute!" protested the ill-timed pilot.

"As Wash's widow," said Zoe, her face deadpan but her eyes sparkling with mirth, "I would like to claim his share of our last haul. To cover funeral expenses."

"You be wanting time off to mourn too?" asked Mal, not bothering to hide his expression. The others weren't either, all laughing or smiling at Wash's confusion.

"Someone want to explain what the hellis going on?" Wash demanded.

"We've been readin' these stories that people wrote about us hundreds of years ago," said Kaylee, "only they got some of the facts wrong like sayin' your dead from Reavers an'-"

"What's a reaver?"

Zoe shrugged. "We don't know, suppose they just added them to the TV show to add a little danger, as if they didn't have enough of that with the Alliance."

"We got a TV show?" Wash said weakly. Zoe stood up and took her husband's arm.

"I think I'll go explain it to him in private, sir," she said to Mal. "That's if you won't be needing him for the next few hours." Mal gave her a wave and she led Wash away, the poor man still asking her what the gorram was going on. Considering that Zoe had been looking at the stories of her and Wash rated 'mature content', Mal had a feeling that his first officer wouldn't be doing a lot of explaining about fanfics.

"You know," said Kaylee, "with all these stories an' such, you think any of 'em ever gonna come true?"

Simon opened his mouth to answer when there was a sudden stifled sob from Inara. The Companion rose from her seat and, leaving her laptop where it was, fled the kitchen in the direction of her shuttle. The remaining members of the crew stared in shocked silence.

"Anyone wanna explain that?" asked Mal.

"She read one of the stories," replied River, her head tilted on its side. "The writer didn't like her, treated her badly and pulled her nature out of focus. Thought that they knew best."

Mal turned his gaze back to the path Inara had taken. Some _hun dan _writer had thought that they knew better and they'd hurt Inara. Not physically, but judging by the way Inara had reacted, that level of hatred from someone she didn't even know had defiantly had an effect on her.

"As Captain, I'm banning anyone aboard this ship from writing fanfics," he growled. "That includes finishing of those that ain't finished. They cause more trouble than they're worth and it aint' right. Doubt these people knew we'd be seeing their stuff and I ain't gonna take the risk of it happening to someone else." He turned to look at Simon. "You're sister brought all these out, and I want them back down in the cargo hold. And in one piece, our buyer's payin' a lot for this cargo, but who knows; maybe we can get a little extra from them being working models. I'm gonna go check Inara's okay and I want these things gone when I get back."

Serenity's captain stood up and headed for the door. Jayne let out a long low whistle.

"What's bitein' him?"

"I think it was all the ships with me," answered River as she examined the hem of her dress.

"What ships?" asked the merc.

"She means relation_ships_ , that's what ships is short for, in fanfic lingo," supplied Kaylee.

"We should put these back in the cargo bay," Simon suggested. River just offered him her best 'Simon's being a boob' stare.

"Captain won't be back for hours. And we really shouldn't go near Inara's shuttle. That's perverse."

Jayne howled with laughter as Simon's face morphed with his comprehension of his sister's statement. Kaylee smiled reassuringly at him.

"You think after this run the Cap'n will wanna do a passenger run? We could stop on Persephone..."

"You just want to look for a Sheppard called Book because the fanfics say we have one," replied Simon.

"Why'd we want a Sheppard?" asked Jayne, leaning back in his chair. "Hell, only Book I know is the barkeeper of real shiny bar in Paquin." He grinned as if remembering something pleasing about the bar. River slid along the table until she was kneeling right in front of Jayne.

"We will need a Sheppard if we are to be married," she said with all seriousness. Jayne promptly fell over backwards.

"The hell are you on about, moon-brain? I ain't proposed to you or nothin'!"

As Jayne scrambled to his feet, River jumped off the table and skipped after him in pursuit.

"I get shipped with you second most after Mal, and everyone else has someone. The logical conclusion is that we are a pair, a mate, a –"

"Leave me the hell alone, crazy!"

Simon and River just laughed as they watched River continue to chase Jayne around the kitchen. The incident with the fanfics would soon be forgotten, and they'd make a tidy profit from River's meddling. Seems the buyer was ecstatic to find out a handful of his merchandise was actual working tech from Earth-that-Was.

But they got paid and that's all that mattered really. Get a job, get paid, keep flying.

Life carried on as Serenity sailed out into the Black.

* * *

Translations:

_Mei-mei: _little sister

_kwong-juh duh:_ nuts/crazy

_Tzao gao_: Crap

_hun dan: _Damn

**Hope you enjoyed it. ****Slight AU. **This isn't a dig or attack on any perticular writer, or any shipp that you may prefer. This was an idea I had after reading a number of the fanfics here and I merely wondered how the canon characters would react. 

**Take as you will, but don't stop the signal.**


End file.
